Crystal

Now that he's back

2009-11-15T04:05:53Z

Everything falls into place and suddenly all my troubles and worries about the relationship dissipates and I'm happy and content. Were the problems made up? Maybe they were just LDR-induced problems.

One thing has changed though. I realize we're very much more independent as compared to half a year ago.

Writer's Block: Chemistry test

2009-11-15T03:59:58Z

Has your idea of the perfect romantic partner changed with age? Do you think we can teach ourselves to desire partners who are better for us or are we constrained by the laws of attraction?

View 427 Answers

Yes, it has. I've become more and more aware of what I want in a partner the older I get and THE MORE I REFLECT on what it is I want in a relationship. So of course it's learnable!

I don't think everybody matures in their expectations, even up to middle adulthood, because they simply don't ponder enough upon this issue. I'm surprised sometimes to hear of the dismal stories my mum tells me about the horrible relationships of the people around her, and I wonder why these people stay in such abusive relationships, or get together with such horrible people in the first place. Perhaps they teach themselves to like/tolerate their partners even though they secretly (or not so secretly since they tell their friends about it) want out. I think this can be avoided if they thought about their ideal relationship before commiting seriously to someone. Frankly, I think the laws of attraction is effective for not more than a few months.

How my idea of a romantic partner changed as I grew older:
Mid teens: typical idea of a kind, caring, interesting, attractive partner
Late teens: same as above + capable + well socialised + similar standard of living + similar values
Early adulthood: same as above + similar direction in life + similar financial values + ability of partner to commit

crystalcow @ 2009-10-23T22:46:00

2009-10-23T15:05:26Z

I'm usually able to perceive my emotions with acute clarity. Today, I can't get beyond knowing I am feeling something, but when I try to probe and ask myself questions like "have I really lost hope?", my brain draws a murky black blank. When I try to prob even further, I get hit by a maelstrom of confusing and contradicting thoughts, and sad emotions start welling up and I want to cry.

How can I explain this

2009-10-22T12:56:53Z

What is a thought
but ideas tagged with a price
self-conscious indulgences
we pay dearly for
frivolous pursuits
not worth their investment
bought with melancholy
charged with interest
to be paid back in installments

May contain traces of nuts

2009-10-21T17:40:22Z

the girl you were talking to
from a long time ago
expired, and neither of us knew.
she was lying in a jar
within a cluttered cupboard
a starved mind found her by chance
when it was rummaging for food

a label on the jar
listed its contents:
fun, desire, individuality
original with no preservatives
stays fresh if care is taken
to refrigerate immediately once opened
*may contain traces of nuts

the advice was not heeded
to my horror i realize
how silly it was for me,
not to have cherished her
for the she that was me
made me the i that was
that nourished mind you regarded

and now she is gone
who am i,
but us?

crystalcow @ 2009-10-04T15:02:00

2009-10-04T08:37:55Z

I don't think I'm one to take stress very well. I become full of negative emotions when my stress levels build up and I start thinking one depressive thought after another. In psychology, they call it the mood-congruent theory in which, for instance, negative emotions can cause a maelstrom of negative thoughts to be retrieved.

Last night I had an outburst at Justin over a trival matter that made me feel like a petty person, but one that upset me nevertheless. I'm not comfortable saying it out, but maybe it'll be easier to let go if I do. It was a simple discovery of the fact that he still responds to his ex girlfriend's facebook posts. When I saw it, I felt like a lightning bolt of negative energy had gone through my body and my vision shook briefly. I took deep breaths to calm myself down while in my head, logic and rationality fought a hard battle with my emotions. What I am ashamed of and still feel sheepish about is that I gave in to the hurt and railed out at him. To make things worse, he was dangerously busy and in no mood to console me beyond trying to explain his actions. Therefore till today, I do not feel adequately comforted and neither are my insecurities resolved. It makes me want to stay away, hide out till I miraculously "get over it."

At this point, most people would say that a mature response would be to approach him when he is less tied up with work and talking it out. However, I don't have the stomach for this subject anymore because it feels like deja-vu. It makes me queasy. Somewhere at the back of my head I know this has happened before, I just don't know when or why and what happened.

I do wonder how different today would be If we, if I, had talked about it rationally with him. I would have told him that I was upset because 1. I do not believe in keeping in contact with ex-partners since I do not believe in friendships betwen ex-partners 2. especially so for that girl because hanging out with them 5 days a week for 2 years when they were together made their association as partners a stigma I cannot remove 3. you didn't break up amicably so why be friends now 4. a response, no matter if it's just a trivial comment poking fun of the person, is a sign of friendship. do think, that if a friend periodically appears and says hi, he'll be more regarded a friend to you than all the acquaintances who clutter your msn without ever talking to you. In that light, you may say you do not care for her at all, but mere contact is enough exposure for frienship to take a foothold.

What I still don't get, after all your explanations is that of all responses... even if you're bored, why to her boring statement (out of all the hundreds of statements posted)? Why does commenting about her discomfort amuse you? I don't understand that because I'm a person who wants to have nothing to do with my ex boyfriends who are better out of sight and out of mind. I can't help but psychoanalyse your reasons - maybe she still is of significance to you.

Journalist Intern Slave

2009-06-01T13:24:39Z

Interning at Alphabet Media has been a blast so far. I'm glad my colleagues trust me enough to write news articles. It's a nice feeling to be doing real journalism. See. www.futuregov.net for the stuff I wrote.

crystalcow @ 2009-04-04T02:09:00

2009-04-03T18:31:05Z

Ay amor, me duele tanto
Sin ti conmigo aqui no tango paz
No tango feliz
Pesa más la rabia que el cemento
Espero solo que te espéreme
Arrepentido para probar su paciencia

what i really need is to be hooked up with invisible intraveneous endorphins

2009-03-28T07:11:45Z

I get short 3D2N depressive holidays once a month. I'll like to think it's not red alert blues, cos I subscribe to the theory that it's possible to control oneself and we should not take hormonal imbalance rage out on other people. But I think I'm wrong. I suppose my way of coping or controlling this... stress... is ineffective, cos I end up taking it out on myself. How do you explain feeling depressed for no reason and all the reasons in the world? How do you deal with that without hurting others? Putting a lid on negative feelings doesn't seem to work, it overflows and I still end up affecting others.

I was so overwhelmed with Clarice leaving, with the mixed up feelings and thoughts when I received those smses, with exhaustion - I wanted to scream. But I couldn't, even though I was alone in the car, even if no one could've heard me, I couldn't. At least Marion could scream, even if it was underwater in her bathtub. Me? I'm still silenced. I can type and cry, but that's about it. Sound dies in my throat.

What's scary is that in a few days I will be fine again and I'll read back on this post and not recognize myself.

Haiku

2009-03-13T03:06:45Z

rain showers or thunderstorms
then there's me and you
let's weather it through

crystalcow @ 2009-03-01T00:52:00

2009-02-28T16:52:51Z

♥♥♥ crystal says:

the cat licked the rat

made the rat mad

so the rat kicked the cat

and the cat bled

★★★j u s t i n says:

so the cat chased the rat

★★★j u s t i n says:

and the rat fled

★★★j u s t i n says:

but the rat hid a bat

★★★j u s t i n says:

so the cat ended up flat

♥♥♥ crystal says:

the rat hid a bat?????

★★★j u s t i n says:

baseball bat

♥♥♥ crystal says:

why did the rat hide the bat?

★★★j u s t i n says:

cuz hes a sneaky killer rat

★★★j u s t i n says:

thats why

♥♥♥ crystal says:

hahahahahah

crystalcow @ 2009-02-21T10:09:00

2009-02-21T02:21:05Z

spent the past half hour
staring at nothing
thinking of something
wish i could make sense of this feeling
this feeling
dampened by an emergency daze

another six minutes have passed
feels like i could do this forever
building walls around my throat
my eyes
will shut themselves today
will repair the leaks
i cannot get used to this

crystalcow @ 2009-01-27T22:14:00

2009-01-27T14:15:23Z

hi my name is ben and from the count to three, stare into space like a pile of lump says:
hey happy new yr pull your ear
hi my name is ben and from the count to three, stare into space like a pile of lump says:
hahahahaha
hi my name is ben and from the count to three, stare into space like a pile of lump says:
hahahhaahhahaa
★★★j u s t i n says:
happy new year go shoot a deer!
hi my name is ben and from the count to three, stare into space like a pile of lump says:
i said it first
hi my name is ben and from the count to three, stare into space like a pile of lump says:
HAHAHA
hi my name is ben and from the count to three, stare into space like a pile of lump says:
happy new year sleep with your peers
★★★j u s t i n says:
happy new year go drink a beer
hi my name is ben and ashes to ashes, beer to pee says:
happy new year the ang pows are near
★★★j u s t i n says:
happy new year so give a cheer
hi my name is ben and ashes to ashes, beer to pee says:
happy new year no time for jeers
★★★j u s t i n says:
happy new year dont shed a tear
hi my name is ben and ashes to ashes, beer to pee says:
happy new year have no fear
★★★j u s t i n says:
happy new year are you a queer?
hi my name is ben and ashes to ashes, beer to pee says:
happy new year i'm at lancashire
★★★j u s t i n says:
happy new year dont go out and leer

Kristin Chenoweth - The Girl in 14G

2008-10-28T18:39:31Z

Amazing broadway star. Watch for at least a minute or don't watch at all :)

crystalcow @ 2008-10-26T09:53:00

2008-10-26T08:57:20Z

I've just gained an hour in my life because of daylight savings... There's now 7 hours time difference between Singapore and Switzerland, and 8 between Singapore and Perth.

crystalcow @ 2008-10-23T21:51:00

2008-10-23T20:14:28Z

Why do we have to spend our teenage and early adulthood years feeling confused and insecure about love and life and everything in between school, family, friends and work? There's hardly enough time to live life, much less for spending time thinking about what we want in life. When will we ever know what we want for good?

crystalcow @ 2008-10-21T23:36:00

2008-10-21T22:41:01Z

London's been fun; the city buzz is invigorating for a while but now I'm quite tired and miss Switzerland. I realize that the primary reason why London and Singapore is so stressful, is because of the unending noise. It's so noisy here, even at 9.30pm it's noisy. Londoners don't care if they make a din and disturb other people. The sound of traffic especially drives my stress level up a notch, and i'm not even working or studying here and shouldn't be feeling that way but somehow I do. The people here walk crazily fast, rush rush rush everywhere. Consumerism is so prolific here; you see it in the advertisements, the billboards stressing that you need degree qualifications to get a good job, the countless malls and shopping districts that're within a few stops of each other -there are 6 Oasis shops within zone 1 of the subway, minutes from each other, and for what? I miss silence. I wonder ... How would Singapore have been if LKY studied in Finland instead?

crystalcow @ 2008-10-12T14:44:00

2008-10-12T12:44:16Z

I can see snow capped mountains from my window every morning and in the evening they turn pink

crystalcow @ 2008-09-28T04:50:00

2008-09-27T20:54:59Z

After two years of lousy pork knuckles and no variety of german beer in boring looking white tents........I'm finally going to the REAL Oktoberfest in Munich!!! If only Justin, Clarice and Bao were coming along too...

I accidently boxed myself..

2008-09-25T23:13:06Z

during archery class on Tuesday. Now my chin's painful and swollen. Kinda funny if you look at it from a humourous point of view.. I mean, how many people have actually really boxed and injured themselves before? Le klutz me. Sigh.

Joey's Super Indomee Goreng Recipe

2008-08-26T16:24:14Z

I'd learnt this recipe 3 years ago from a friend whose name you obviously know already. He was raving about this special way of preparing Singapore's favourite noodle that not many people knew about - at that time my whole family was consuming it the standard boil-drain-put-msg-and -mix way - so I was pretty excited to try it with a new twist. He'd taught me how to do it, and it was really easy to make, but boy, it was so delicious! Tonight in honor of Joey, I'm gonna share with you this secret way of preparing indomee, hope all of you enjoy it as much as I did.
.
Ingredients
1 packet Indomee
20g butter

Method
1. Prepare a stopwatch and bring water to boil.
2. When water boils add noodles in and start timing for 2 minutes. Once 2 minutes are up, drain water away.
3. Heat up a non-stick pot or frying pan and melt butter. Then add noodles and condiments in and mix thoroughly. Fry for slightly less than 1 minute and serve.
.
Note: Usually I like to pour the sauces into a small sauce bowl before hand so that I don't have to scramble to cut them open later. Remember that the recommended time for cooking indomee is 3 minutes, so you have to make sure you mix the sauces and the noodles within a minute or they'd go too soft.
.
And that's it! Easy peasy! Try it and tell me how you find it!

AshleyMadison.com commercial

2008-08-26T07:41:51Z

Nowadays, you can earn money from anything, someone else's affair included. I find it absolutely sick that these people believe in profiting from someone else's infidelity.
Back in the old days, notice I do not add the word good, people didn't decide that what they needed to fill the hole in their hearts was an extra marital affair, and then logged onto a paid MSN service looking for someone with the same illicit interest.
Affairs happened upon chance and 'lust at first sight'; a coy smile from the sexy foxy lady at the bar you happened to be in because home is a war zone instead of a refuge, and what was intended to be a friendly chat turned out too friendly.
Affairs were shrouded in mystery and secrecy and all the -ries that indicated vagueness and half decided decisions to court that beautiful thing, who also seems half decided about whether or not her smiles should be coy-er and her touch softer. There was thrill in the uncertainties and in the 'innocent' flirting. There was glamour; he'd dress up and smell nice for one, and she'd always wear a curve-hugging dress, and of course there was all those guilt laced jewelry.
This is how an affair should be (just ask the romance novels and they'd tell you how it's done properly): unintended and discrete, unlike the commercial institution it is today.

crystalcow @ 2008-08-22T15:02:00

2008-08-22T07:32:57Z

I'd a funny memory surface in my head whilst driving back from town in mum's red recycled Ferrari. I could feel my insides laughing - I guess that's where happiness and laughter is birthed, from the middle of the body - but I wasn't laughing out loud, the biggest change upon my face was probably a slight lift to the corners of my lips; barely noticable. Then I remembered I've always complained to Justin about not being able to laugh spontaneously; it takes a lot to make me break out in a belly clutching laugh, and as of late only Justin has been capable of inducing such a statement of happiness from me.
As you have probably already imagined, I attempted a laugh: a quick, fake "HAHA!" that amused me so much that I'd genuinely chortled while my insides continued to ring with glee. My first step towards abandoned laughter, maybe one day I'll be able to laugh hysterically at anything minutely funny.

I've just gotten..

2008-08-22T07:00:24Z

A Kenwood DS607 electronic scale! I'm delighted, this state of the art scale is just 1/100 of my eventual fairytale kitchen, but until that materializes, I'll be collecting beautiful functional pieces of kitchenware such as this!

Romanticism + Missy E

2008-08-18T15:45:13Z

Saw this online somewhere..

My milkshake bringeth all the gentlefolk to the yard,
And they are like, It's better than thine,
Verily, it's better than thine,
I could teach you,
But I must levy a fee.